First Infertility Appt

So I have to use a pic with each pic or it just doesn't feel right. Hence the beautiful gal I added from Pinkytoast's etsy page. Cute. I've had so many doctor appt's this week. Monday was the finishing of my root canal. Joy. He needs to do a couple more fillings and wants me to get Invisalign (clear braces that are just a panel that goes around your chompers- no actual brace). This sounds good, but the price does not. $2700 for just the top and my insurance doesn't cover a bit. One cool thing is you don't have them nearly as long. Six months is the maximum. Nice.

Next up- they eye doc. Not too bad, my right eye needs just the tiniest RX and my left eye is bad but not bad enough that I have to wear my glasses 24/7. Yes, I went with glasses. I've never had them so they've taken on this kind of uber cool persona for me. Next year I'll do the contacts. My insurance rocked with this. Covered pretty much every dang thing I could have wanted. Transitions, glare reduction, coatings and whatever other things they like to overcharge for. The glasses are pretty pimp, too, imo. I went for square brown-framed Guess beauties, where the lens stops just shy of the frame (cool effect). Will post pics when I have them :)

Now for today. We met Dr. Maria Hayes for the first time today. If there's someone who can get us pregnant it will be this woman. She's very no-nonsense. She asked why I stopped Prozac and when I told her it was because I worry about getting pregnant and the baby and breastfeeding... She said- don't worry about it until the last month of pregnancy. That I'll do much better through this if I'm back on my Prozac. Can I just say thank GOD! I miss my psycho drugs, for real. Anyway, she has a whole plan. I'll be in her office several times over the next month for more tests and blood work and Dh has to have his own special "bonding time" with the office as well, if you get my drift. Teehee.

One negative about the whole experience- if I want coffee- I get one cup per day and no other soda or any caffeine. If I want a soda- no coffee that day and no other caffeine. Come on, is this even possible? Anyone else been through such torture? Did you survive? I mean, I just can't live in a world without a hot coffee in the morning followed by several (hundred) ounces of soda. ;) Guess the choice isn't really a hard one. Baby? Soda? Yeah, baby. This applies to dh too. Ha- join me in my hell.

But I'm glad we went. It feels like we're doing something. Makes me nervous as hell, but this puts us one step closer.

Deliciousness

Um...yowza! Awesome little etsy shop (etsy-as in where I found my ghoulies) FatDaddyBakeShop Tell me they don't look delicious and yummy and oohhh. This girl has done so well that she's opening her own little retail shop. Smart woman! It's a double layer cupcake in a jar and that come in some awesome looking flavors. Must get a couple soon. Another mad cool thing that I've been checking out is the new Pink Paislee Live site (scrapbooking)...it's like facebook but for scrapbooking. It rocks. LivePink Check it out if you're into scrapping and add me!!

In other news- another one of my best friends (Dawn) just found out she's pregnant. I am so super happy for her. She'd been trying to get a hold of me all weekend and finally emailed me while I was at work on Monday. She said "John and I will be joining the mini-van club in November."

Let me just say, though, that I'm glad I found out in an email. I am truly happy for them, and so excited- but I spent pretty much the rest of the day bawling every time I thought about it. I called her on my way home and she could sense I was down but I was not about to ruin her special time with my unfair jealousy so I wouldn't tell her why. It IS unfair, I know that. And it's not that I'm necessarily jealous, it's just that they basically "weren't really trying too hard, but weren't preventing" and here Tom and I am- charting and temping and everything else. It's just not happening. This will be their third child...it's virtually effortless for them. Why is it so fucking hard for us?

It's horrible to feel this way, horrible. But I just can't help it. I called my mom on my lunch break because Tom wasn't in his office and bawled to her. Then emailed Tom and bawled to him. Then I traded emails all day with Greg (another one of Tom's best friends) who was cracking me up and made me feel a lot better. Got home, cried to Tom some more and felt even better. Yet, still, here I sit getting all weepy. Hopefully coming here to admit that I'm a rotten friend for being sad while she's so happy will make me feel better or at least less guilty. It's not fair of me, and I know that. But, I'm just getting it out- I certainly didn't let her know that. I just wish it would happen for us.