So on Saturday the 15th of September, my mom had a stroke. A fucking stroke. She's only 49 years old. She wasn't able to use the left side of her body at all for a few days. She's finally walking with a walker, and can feel most things on her left side now- but it's just madness.

We're going to Florida in three weeks. She's stressed because her boyfriend is an immature fuck who gives her a hard time (they were actually arguing when this happened) and because she's raised his daughter since she was a baby (and therefore can't leave him). Shitty situation. My brother and his girlfriend also moved in the weekend before. Joy for all involved, I'm sure.

I had to blog this so I won't forget everything my Grandmother told me today. I took her out for lunch for her birthday (which was Feb 1st). I just asked her some of the questions that I should have asked Grandma Hall before she passed away. Like how she met my grandpa.

Grandma Hancock met him when she was 15. Her best friend Phyllis, 16,(who she is still friends with to this day-birthday of Feb 2nd, oddly enough) and her were at a restaurant and met my Grandpa Howard and a friend of his. She started seeing Howard, and Phyllis started seeing his best friend.

My Grandma stayed home from school one day because she was having cramps, and during the day Phyllis made her come out and they were hanging out on Vernor St. Anyway, once he realized that my Grandma was out of the house, her father waited for her to come home and really let her have it. He whipped her with a switch, and when it broke- his hand, and then on to a belt.

That night, she went with Phyllis to see Howard and his friend and she showed Howard what her daddy had done, the whelts and cuts all over her back. That was it. He said that she shouldn't have to deal with that, he asked her to go to Georgia with him and get married. She was 15 and he was 19! Phyllis and Howard's friend decided to do the same thing, and the guys drove in their cars and the girls (for some reason) hopped a bus.

Anyway, they had a double wedding. She ended up getting arrested as a runaway and her parents tried to make her come home, but his mom talked them out of it. They did end up coming back to Michigan when Ford called him back (he'd been on layoff). Here she had my Aunt Pat at 17 and then my Dad and then Aunt Sharon. They were happily married all their days until he passed away just before retirement. Phyllis and her husband had a son but ended up divorcing years later.

I'm so glad I got to hear this story! This is something I never would have known since my father doesn't really talk about things like that. Doesn't think they're all that important. Speaking of him, he took Tom and I out last night for dinner for my birthday cause we didn't have time to on my birthday weekend. We had a really good time. My Dad would not admit it, he only has once, but he really REALLY wants grandbabies. I am workin on it, I'm tellin ya. lol.

My mood today is an odd one. I am slowly getting myself on track. Not sure if I mentioned in the last post, but I'm starting off the first week with just no fast food and then moving on to getting rid of soda and then to counting points. One step at a time, slow and steady wins the race and all those other great motivational cliches. Anyway, so far I'm doing well with that.

My odd mood really hasn't nothing to do with my diet- I just figured I'd update. My odd mood came while driving to work this morning. I was thinking about all the cheating/leaving/divorcing that has been going on with the ladies at 2Peas. There is seriously an abnormal amount. So I was thinking about how I would feel if my marriage ended right now. Right now I think I'd be able to handle it. Yes, we've been together a long time and I love him with everything I am, but I do think since it has only been a short while since we've officially been married, it wouldn't have quite the same blow. Ten years and a few children will probably change that outlook, but right now I don't think I'd be devastated and looking for a way out of life. This led to the realization that I was actually thinking that I'd be okay with myself on my own, without someone validating me. That's a crazy thing, because it's not my usual thought process, so it's obvious why I felt the need to document it.

Another thing I've been considering recently is my perfectionism. I've never really thought of myself as a perfectionist, as I have a messy desk at home and I'm overweight, (Can you really be a perfectionist if you're not paying attention to what you eat?) but my MIL recently said that I was and it's been in and out of my mind ever since. I guess, in some ways, I am. It bothers me that the brickwork DH and FIL did last summer is not perfect, it bothers me that the under-the-counter cd player in the kitchen is not wired up through the cabinet-leaving the cord hanging uselessly against the wall, it bothers me if I make something and it doesn't turn out exactly the way I've imagined. In fact, I will sometimes stop doing something if I don't think I'm good enough at it. Hence the reason I haven't done as many pages recently.

Anyway, I'm babbling. The perfectionist thinking has me wondering exactly why it is that I'm not thin-if I am, in fact, such a perfectionist. What is it about me that keeps enabling my eating habits? It's not necessarily that I over eat, it's more that I consistently choose the wrong foods. So, other than taste, why? Why do I keep myself this way? I've considered the whole fearing men thing, and I just don't think that's it. I think fearing everyone holds more water. I'm definitely going to have to go back through Dr. Phil's book and re-analyze everything. Maybe if I deal with all the emotional baggage it will make everything else that much easier.

I'm sitting here watching the Rose Bowl, pissed off like nothing else that Michigan is playing like shit. I don't like to talk crap, and I love my team, but come on.... they are playing like shit. SHIT! It is 31-11 right now. Are you kidding me? Anyway.

So day one of lifestyle change begins with a week long, no fast food deal. I am going to go through what is already in the house, including the Pepsi we have left from last night. Week 2 and 3 will lead into full out point counting. At the moment, eliminating fast food will give me a decent drop of a few pounds. But I'm not kidding myself, I'm not going to eat crazy stuff either.

This was written on Christmas Day......I had started a new blog for weight loss but what is the point in having two blogs? It's silly, so I'm transferring the post here and deleting the other blog entirely.

This Is It

It's Christmas :) This time next year, I will be different. I know there are thousands of people who are going to make the same New Year's resolution that I will make. But I am going to do this.

I'm 27, will be 28 in January. This means I have 2 years until I'm officially in my thirties. I have always wanted to at least spend a little bit of time in my twenties as a thin girl. As someone who goes out and gets what she wants. Not that I can't have that fat, but I want to be thin. I want to feel free and wild and like a sexy young woman. I want to go out and not feel too embarrassed to dance. I want men to look at me (this is a big thing for me as I feel like it's part of the reason I stay heavy).

January 1st will be my start date. It's a Monday, so that fits perfectly because I have a thing with starting a diet on any other day. This is not a 'diet' though, I am changing. My plan is to follow Weight Watchers. Friday nights I will be allowed to go on date night and enjoy a meal with my husband. I will have one regular Coke with that meal, maybe a cocktail, but I will then go immediately back to diet beverages.

I will set up a plan. I do want to lose as quickly as possible, that's obvious, but I will set realistic goals as well. I will reward myself with non-food items. I will acknowledge that I am losing weight, and that my body looks different when it starts too. I will not allow myself to look at myself in the same light, therefore allowing myself to go back to unhealthy habits.

This, seriously, is it. I'm doing it. No more bullshit.

These are my Oreo Balls. Got the recipe from 2Peas and I just love how they turned out. They were a huge success at dh's cookie exchange at work, he said the girls in the office were just raving about them. Yay :) So I'm making them to take to everyone's houses for Christmas. I just bought 4 more packages of Oreo's today, and tomorrow will be spent making these again and wrapping the few presents we were able to purchase.

Working is totally not all it's cracked up to be. I do like my new job, but the training there is seriously an issue. They definitely need a better program. But, other than that and the long hours I think I'm doing okay. They're supposed to be making an extra cubicle for me here shortly. These aren't no Empire cubicles, they're the real deal. Like your own little mini office. Way cool.

Another cool thing? The entire customer service department is pink. PINK! Pink paint on the walls, and the cubicles mentioned are a deeper pink. Even our bosses office (he's male, mind you) is pink. Now, if I were reading this I'd imagine a pepto-bismol looking nightmare, but that's really not what it's like. It's softer. Prettier.

So far the people are really nice. There isn't anyone I could see myself hanging out with too often, but that can be a good thing. I get so attached to people and I'm not the greatest when it comes to sticking with a place for too long. Empire was the longest I'd lasted in one place in a while. I just get bored with everything. Once I'm bored and irritated, putting up with a vast array of shit no longer appeals to me and I end up quitting. That's why I so desperately want to be back in school this semester but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. We owe them since we technically got our student loan last semester but didn't stay through the whole semester (the wedding and everything). So it'll have to be next semester when we're back on our feet.

I'm supposed to meet up with our photographer today to pick up the wedding pictures. Well, part of them. We're picking up the cd of pictures right now, but getting the actual prints and dvd in a couple weeks. Hopefully I can get them and get the thank you cards sent out which should have been out a while ago. But we have that one special pic we're using, so we had to wait.

I finally have a full time job. I'll do the freelance thing still, because it's great to have my name published, but I definitely needed something with a better and more steady paycheck.

I start tomorrow at 8. 8-5 Mon-Fri. Perfect schedule. Should be getting home just before DH but I have to go in hours before him. I have to leave the house at 7. He leaves at 9:30. The luxury of having your best friend as your boss.

I'm nervous and excited. I wasn't the first choice. He interviewed 3 people and chose someone else before me because this person had experience in the same field. But apparently they're not working out or something because he called the temp agency back and wanted me.

The pay is really good. Really good. Benefits are good as well, Blue Cross/Blue Shield but I'd have to wait for them to kick in after being hired on. Someone from Ajilon (the temp service) is coming to the office on Thursday to go over insurance information and direct deposit information with me. Which I find kind of odd, but cool that I don't have to go out to their office again.

I'm so excited. Will still try to update everyday :)

So I have made a decision. I need to start blogging every day. Take a few moments and get it all out there. This begins tomorrow.

It is practically raining leaves outside right now and our puppy Percival is galloping around trying to catch them as they fall. It occured to me while watching that I haven't posted a pic of him yet, and we actually got him before the wedding as an early wedding present from Tom's parents. He's a handful, wow, is he ever. He demands so much attention and is into everything imaginable. I'd forgotten what it is like to have a puppy. He's a ton of work, but man he's cute and worth it....

Well, I had a bunch of wedding pics here. But panic at having pics of myself on the internet struck and I removed them. It was amazing though. I used to think people who say "It was the best night of my life" were cheeseballs. But, seriously, it was the best night of my life. *swoon*

Wanted to post this really quick too. It's the tag I'm making for a swap I'm in at 2 peas. Heidi's Swapp to be exact lol. I hope the girls like em and I can't wait to get theirs! 15 of us, a few different from last time but the rest are the same. Can't wait to see the ideas, I get so motivated by them.....

Steve Irwin Tribute Page....

Felt really good to finally get this completed. Hopefully it will mean a lot to his family. There are 85 of us over at Two Peas doing this tribute album, and I think it will turn out nicely. I hope that the journaling is visible on here, if not I'll come back and add it as I won't be keeping the original copy. First layout I've ever completed for another person's album, but I thought it was so important, I had to do it. I know if my father had passed away and I got to look through a bunch of photos of how he touched others' lives, I would love it, so hopefully they will too. Or at least it will bring a bit of comfort maybe.

My wedding is totally turning into a disaster. Finally, finally, after many many delays.....3 weeks before the wedding...... we get started on the invitations and I can not get them to print correctly. I must have already wasted 50 sheets of vellum. It's ridiculous. I'm getting very frustrated and it makes me just want to call the whole thing off. At least for a little while.

I have been so busy I haven't been able to update. Was out of town at Ceasars Poconos Resort for this beautiful gal's wedding last weekend. That's her and our best man Christopher Robin (her brother). The cremony was absolutely beautiful. Unfortunately the reception got a little messed up. Big miscommunication between the resort and the bride and groom. Shuttling entire wedding between two different resorts. The bride did not even get to dance with her father or new husband. It was very sad. But she made a BEAUTIFUL bride!

I had to go and pay for the retreat we're going to this weekend in Livonia, so since the Scrapbook Zone is only ten minutes from there, I had to stop in. I didn't have long because I was on my way to class, but boy did I do some damage. They had EVERYTHING! And good prices. Rhonna Ferrar stamps for only $14.99! The place is huge and they have a dollar section. Another bonus? Coupons every month. Yeah buddy. I'm all over that place. I've found my new favorite LSS. (Of course I'll still be visiting my other faves lol)

We will never forget...... may God bless and bring peace to everyone affected. Five years later, it still seems like yesterday.

Suri Has Finally Arrived

Ok, as much as I hate (absolutely despise) Tom Cruise...... his daughter is just gorgeous!!! And doesn't Katie look just great in this photo? I'll have to go dig up the ones of Brad and Angelina's baby because I just love them and it wouldn't be right to showcase Tom-who-I-hate 's baby if not showing beautiful Shiloh :)

Now Shiloh is one cute baby! Look at those lips! Ooh, also wanted to add this here for the future generations. Gas is finally back down! After reaching the all time high of $3.05 around here this summer, we're finally back to a much better $2.48. Still a ripoff. I'm only 27, but when I started driving at 16 gas was like $1.05 a gallon. You could put $3 and be good for a few days lol. You're lucky now if that will take you to the next city.

Steve Irwin, the Crocadile Hunter, was killed today while filming a series about the Ocean's Deadliest. He was hit by a stingray barb in the chest and it struck his heart. What a tragedy, he was so full of life and loved what he did. At least that's some comfort. He died totally in his element. Rest in Peace.

2 Peas Challenge: What would you do today if you could do anything you have a deep desire to do? If you had the means, what would you do?

There are a few worldly things I'd want to take care of. As in, bring the troops home, end hunger...that kind of thing. But if I'm thinking more personally, then I would get my brother out of the slump he's currently in. He's at a low point right now and he just needs a good bit of help to get him out of it. I'd also hook my mom up with all kinds of good stuff. She is an awesome, awesome person and deserves only the best. She really does not give herself enough credit. She's like an angel on earth. Such a huge heart.

Yeah buddy, it's football season! Last year we went to the Homecoming game, and we were wanting to go so badly to the Michigan/Ohio State game this year, but unfortunately it's not gonna happen. I love Michigan Football. I think it came from the years growing up where we'd visit Aunt Ronda and Uncle Jim. There would always be a Michigan game on, or a Michigan decal on the patio door, license plates....the works without being tacky. Uncle Jim and then my cousin Jimmy (his son) attended U of M. I think this is the reason I've always wanted to attend myself- I never actually thought I'd be close though. But, right now I'm rockin a 4.0 so hopefully I can at least keep it close to that and be able to transfer in a few years with no problems whatsoever. The thought makes me want to jump for joy. I mean, there isn't really a feeling that compares to being at a college football game. Even if you don't go there, if it's your team, you enter with a huge sense of pride. It's almost overwhelming. Go Blue!!!!!!!