Deliciousness

Um...yowza! Awesome little etsy shop (etsy-as in where I found my ghoulies) FatDaddyBakeShop Tell me they don't look delicious and yummy and oohhh. This girl has done so well that she's opening her own little retail shop. Smart woman! It's a double layer cupcake in a jar and that come in some awesome looking flavors. Must get a couple soon. Another mad cool thing that I've been checking out is the new Pink Paislee Live site (scrapbooking)...it's like facebook but for scrapbooking. It rocks. LivePink Check it out if you're into scrapping and add me!!

In other news- another one of my best friends (Dawn) just found out she's pregnant. I am so super happy for her. She'd been trying to get a hold of me all weekend and finally emailed me while I was at work on Monday. She said "John and I will be joining the mini-van club in November."

Let me just say, though, that I'm glad I found out in an email. I am truly happy for them, and so excited- but I spent pretty much the rest of the day bawling every time I thought about it. I called her on my way home and she could sense I was down but I was not about to ruin her special time with my unfair jealousy so I wouldn't tell her why. It IS unfair, I know that. And it's not that I'm necessarily jealous, it's just that they basically "weren't really trying too hard, but weren't preventing" and here Tom and I am- charting and temping and everything else. It's just not happening. This will be their third child...it's virtually effortless for them. Why is it so fucking hard for us?

It's horrible to feel this way, horrible. But I just can't help it. I called my mom on my lunch break because Tom wasn't in his office and bawled to her. Then emailed Tom and bawled to him. Then I traded emails all day with Greg (another one of Tom's best friends) who was cracking me up and made me feel a lot better. Got home, cried to Tom some more and felt even better. Yet, still, here I sit getting all weepy. Hopefully coming here to admit that I'm a rotten friend for being sad while she's so happy will make me feel better or at least less guilty. It's not fair of me, and I know that. But, I'm just getting it out- I certainly didn't let her know that. I just wish it would happen for us.