2 Peas Challenge- What did you think life had in store for you? Where did you think you'd be today? What surprises has life brought you?

Ooh I love the interesting questions.... I am now at the ripe old age of 27. I thought by now my life would include a husband, and two little kiddies. I thought I'd be a stay at home mom, with a small side job that was more meaningful than necessary. I'll never forget a lady at work asking me one day what my goal was in life -and when I responded with 'I want to be a stay at home mom' -she laughed and said 'honey, that's not a goal'. There were a few that came to my defense, and I do honestly believe it is a goal. It's something that you have to fight hard for. In this day and age, families are barely making it on two incomes, let alone one. So I do think it's a goal. I want my children raised by me. If that means I have to cut back on this high speed internet connection, and on the frivolous things I purchase, then so be it.

Alas, it is not heading the way I'd planned. Tom and I have spent many, many nights discussing this. He just doesn't think we'd be able to make it. He wants to be able to provide our children with things we'd missed out on- vacations every year, the newest clothes, the best cars. He's not a very materialistic person, but it's important to him that our children don't miss out on that kind of thing, so we're trying to meet halfway. It's such a hard thing to back down from what you've wanted all along. I love our parents, but I don't want our children raised by them. I want them raised by us.

I'm not saying I wanted to stay home for their entire lives. Just until they were all safely in school during the day. Then I'd go back to work and be a teacher. But it doesn't appear that is going to happen. I mean, who knows, right? Maybe, down the line, we will be in a financial place where we can do that. We are just preparing for that not being the case. Not that I think our incomes will be amazing as teachers. But at least there will be two of them.

Wow. I finally have all of my thank you cards done. That was a lot of writing and I'm sure that some of it is just not pretty. lol. I also started school for Fall Thursday. Tom got stuck in traffic and couldn't make it :( Bummer. But our professor seems really really cool. Very bohemian, gypsy-ish looking woman. Very smart. Dr. McKeand. Prounounced Mccain. Uber cool. Tomorrow we have two classes back to back. Here's to hoping that we don't have some horrible assholes. I really wish we'd have gotten on the ball a little earlier and registered. We completely missed out on online classes, which is a huge disappointment. We do surprisingly well in them.

So Dr McKeand was talking to us about how we grow up hearing certain types of language and how it's natural for us to use that same vocabulary. Interesting. Will start to work on bringing my vocabulary back up to par because otherwise I'm in for a world of trouble. Lol, words like worsh or ain't. Sorry mom, love you, but you use them alot ;) She was also talking to us about how deep, analytical thinkers write better. This absolutely makes sense. I've been so caught up in internet and chat writing for the past few years that I've really let my thoughts just turn to mush. I just don't think you get as deep usually on the internet. Lots of words like LOL and not so many good words like omniscient or ubiquitous. Mmm. Those are two of my favorite words. Say them aloud.....don't they just sound awesome?

Anyway, she wants us to start thinking about our mini-research paper that she's having us do to prepare for the 132 course. She's very cool in that she wants us to write something that we feel strongly about, assuming we'll write better when it's something important to us. Absolutely true. I'm not sure what I'm choosing yet, but I've tossed a couple of ideas around. Stem cell research, breast cancer awareness, the lack of good health benefits in the US, Walmart and how I wish they'd go under with all their evil practices, why with all our technology no one can come up with a pill to make you lose 100 pounds overnight.......you know, the important things.

Wow. Sunday was my bridal shower. I absolutely had an awesome time. There was a few times I thought I'd pull my hair out because my aunt was being a bit demanding about how she wanted things, lol, but other than that it was so so nice. My mom, Jennifer, aunt Rhonda, Uncle Jim, Debbie and Uncle Jim's sister were there at 9 a.m. to get the food going and set up the tables. Cheryl and Karen arrived at 11 as planned. Dawn was running a bit late, so since I was picking her up and my mom and Jennifer back up after they'd stopped home to have a shower- we were all late. But still early. Just not as early as Rhonda would have liked.

People started to arrive, and of course I was meeting everyone at the door and introducing my mom to his family and his mom to mine. Had to pop an ativan to get through that one. I was really so nervous. It was horrible at first, and then I finally started to loosen up a bit. We played a couple games, which were really fun. Actually, the game that Rhonda thought that no one would like- everyone loved. They had a lot of fun with that one.

The food was so good. And there was so much of it. Chicken, ham, mostacolli, salad, bread and rolls, corn, veggies, fruits, cheesy potatoes, buttered red potatoes and the deserts were insane. Chris' mom made our cake....beautiful...will add pics. On top of that, we had three different kinds of brownies, 3 cheesecakes, pineapple upside down cake, apple pie, banana bread w/ cream cheese, ambrosia. It was just endless.

As were the presents. I swear it must have taken me so long to open all of them! But they played Bingo while I was doing it, so at least that took off some of the pressure. Rhonda wanted me standing up (NO!) and kept coming to tell me that no one could see me and they were complaining. Debbie Laginess (not cousin Deb of course) actually stuck up for me and said, hey, it's your shower, you do what you want. I swear, if I'd have had to open them standing up I'd have probably passed out. Seriously.

There were probably about 50 people there. The guys came at the end and we got pictures with them and everything. I need to go into the gifts and post some pics but I am beat. Will update tomorrow.....

2 Peas challenge: Summer questions

1.What was your favorite summer event? The Taylor fireworks. It's the one fireworks set that we all get together for and never miss. Much fun.
2.Favorite picture of the summer? This one I took of my best friends' daughter Shannon. What a little angel...
3.Favorite movie of the summer? Click, for sure. I'll say it again, see this movie!
4.Best song of the summer? Mmmmm.... good question. I'm a music nut so there's probably a ton of songs I loved this summer. But, I can name a summer fave - Kenny Chesney's Summertime.
5.Did you go on vacation, where? Unfortunately no. We were planning on at least going camping at Lake Michigan like last year but Tom ended up going back to work before we worked anything out.

I'm so excited! I reserved my room at the Hyatt for CKU-Detroit! I've never been to a CKU so I had to jump all over that. It's in April and I can not wait. I hope I don't somehow miss registration. That's my luck. Wouldn't that just stink!

2 Peas challenge: If you could go back in time, what moment in your life would you like to re-live?

Wow. What a thought provoking question. There is one moment from my childhood where I hurt my grandmother's feelings that I wish I could go back and change. But I can't write about it without having a mini-breakdown, crying jag so I'll think of something else. Probably the day I decided I'd had enough and dropped out of school. I thought I was so smart and I would never regret it. But, of course, I do. I went back for my G.E.D. and got that, but it's not the same. I wish I would have stuck it out and went to college right from high school. Being in college now, while taking care of a billion other responsibilities is HARD.

In other news-

My bridal shower is Sunday. I'm really, really getting excited. And nervous because I really don't like opening gifts in front of people. :) Guess I don't really have a choice!

This poor guy has been hanging around our house for a while now. He would disappear for a few days and then come back. He was clean and everything, but something wasn't right about how often he was outside. Well, he hadn't shown up in a few days and so we decided he must have went home. But here he was again three days ago.

Poor thing was just starving. We fed him and kinda kept an eye out to see if he was heading anywhere else too. We brought him in today and got him cleaned up. He slept most of the day, then checked out the house and the restroom facilities (hehe) before trying to get close with Sabre. Hopefully they will be good friends.

My father also said that tomorrow is the day. Please God. Please. We could all really use that.

Awesome, Unbelievable opportunity............

This is probably the most exciting thing that's happened to me this year (being that Tom proposed at the end of last year lol)..... So, he's working at the magazine now with Greg. He's a project coordinator -did I blog about this at all?- I forget. Well, regardless, he's been there for a few weeks now. He's really doing well and enjoys it immensely. Much better than sweating his butt off in two shirts at good ole ProCoil. Anywho. Polo's and khaki's are his current deal, and he's really digging that.

Okay, we're at the bar for John's birthday and Tom mentions to Greg that I'm supremely jealous because he's working at a magazine and I've always wanted to write for one. Greg offers me a deal to write a few articles. I'm thinking 'okay, he's drunk, he won't even remember this on Monday'..... low and behold, the next week, his editor sends a package home with Tom including two projects (assignments), a deadline, and a contract. Can I cuss here? It's mine, right? Holy Shit!

Never thought I would have an opportunity like this and I'm totally doubting myself. I mean, I've become so used to 'internet writing'.....you know what I mean, where it's all casual and funny and you don't really check that everything is precisely right. So jumping back into writing the way it's supposed to be done is going to be jarring. Who knows if I might bust in on an article with a LOL! Wouldn't that be embarrassing for my editor to see? Wow. That in itself is awesome. Saying 'my editor'. She's not mine, but she's editing my work so I guess I can say that?

The contract is currently only for two projects, but hopefully if she doesn't have to totally re-write everything I send in, there will be more. This is beyond exciting. What a crazy opportunity. I never thought I'd have one of those 'it's good to know people' moments...... but this is as close as I'll ever get. THANKS A BILLION GREG! And thanks Tom for having the faith in me to even suggest it. You never stop amazing me. I love you.

2 Peas challenge- what helps you get through a Monday?

Not working, for sure. Now Monday is just another day, other than that Tom goes back to work after the weekend. Getting through a Monday when I was working though was drinking tons of coffee and hanging out on the internet most of the day ;)

2 Peas challenge: what is your favorite restaurant, and what makes it great?

My absolute favorite restaurant is Olive Garden. MMM, the breadsticks, the salad.... I don't get anything crazy or special either. I get spaghetti using penne noodles and meatballs. Oh, and a couple strawberry daquiris. No one makes one better. No one.

It was John's 30th birthday yesterday. We all met up at Cavill's to celebrate. Hole in the wall bar, for sure, but we had a crazy good time. The boys (John and Chris) did their Kaoroke favorites and we all watched, too chicken to join lol. Dawn and I decided that we will start practicing red neck woman so we could do that on bar trips from now on. John was so so drunk, he messed up two of his songs. The DJ called him up for the Humpty Dance and he didn't make it through. So he played Ice Ice Baby instead to see if John could get through that one, and John started with the right song, and then totally started singing the previous song in the middle of that one. He was looking at the monitor too, just must have been to damn blurry to read. Good times. ;)

Very cool to have Greg and Lisa come out too. Great, awesome people. Greg is one of Tom's best friends and the director of operations at the publishing company Tom now works for. He's loving it and they have big plans on branching out. Tom even brought up my writing to Greg to see if I could free lance for the magazine/book. Too cool. I'm going to do a couple free articles to have my name published and then take it from there. Awesome oppurtunity. But it was good to see them in general as I hadn't since Superbowl 04.

Towards the end of the night, Tom showed Greg a pic of Fenny on his phone.... and then John kept apologizing to us for the loss and I couldn't help but get choked up again. I've cried alot the past four days, and it seems like everything makes me miss Fenny. While Tom's at work, the house feels so SO empty. Even little Sabre noticed that Fenny was missing and goes through the house letting out little 'meows'. Damn does it hurt.

Anyway, it was good to get out of the house last night and get it off my mind a little. And John, if you ever read this, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I'm texting your wifey right now to find out if I won the bet. I know you got sick, I know it. So you owe me $5 punk!

Our Fenny dog passed away sometime overnight. I woke up at 6:45 to check on him as he had a rough night and he was gone. Thankfully, Tom had gone in the middle of the night into the den to lay down with him. Our baby, who last night could barely lift his head up, managed to turn himself all the way around and had his head next to Tom's pillow.

I sobbed and sobbed last night and then again this morning. Really, he's in a better place. He's running around, fully mobile, barking and playing with his rope baby. He's in no pain. But my God, even knowing that, I am hurting. Crushed. he was so young, we were gonna have him still while having babies and going through life, planned on him being around for a long time.

................ RIP baby

2 Peas challenge: whats your biggest fear?

I saw that this was the challenge this morning but I couldn't bring myself to answer. I could say the regular answers that I have for this question. Which I am afraid of -- 1. That I'll never be able to have biological children 2. That someone will break into my house and murder me (I know, morbid)

But really, my biggest fear right now is that my life is not headed in the direction it is supposed to be. That things aren't going the way fate is wanting them to. That's scary. Especially considering the things going on in my life right now are huge. Getting married. Working on my degree. I know that we make our own choices, but I do believe in fate.

I can't get into it further than that, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But that's my biggest fear.

2 Peas challenge: what's one scrapbook item that you dont have, but are dieing to get?

Without a doubt, Rhonna Ferrar swirl and flower stamps. I've been searching forever! Now there's probably so much new stuff coming out that I'll never get them.

We registered last night at my favorite store, Target. Great registry process, love them. I also want to register at a honeymoon registry thing. But my Aunt thinks that's tacky. A part of me does too, but what do you do when you've owned a home for years and have lived together and have everything you could possibly need? I mean, we found some stuff we'd like at Target..... but none of it is an absolute necessity as we have the stuff now. Part of me still wants to do it, but I guess I won't.

{Yeah, I took that pic.....obsessed, clearly}

I'm loving the two peas challenge today so I had to update.......

challenge:
list 5 things that put you in a good mood

Let's see-

1. Prozac (hey, it does)
2. Dove milk chocolate
3. Pepsi
4. Tom
5. Target

It was not a good weekend for Fenris. Not at all. Even with central air, he'd much rather be downstairs on the concrete than up here with us. It's hot, so I understand, I just want to keep an eye on him. I got a refill today on his Rx so I needed him to come upstairs, get some water, take his pill, use the bathroom. Basic things. He is hardly eating.

I had to carry him upstairs. He's lost weight because he's so sick, but he still weighs a good 90 or so pounds and I had to half carry, half drag him which made me feel horrible. I finally get him up here and lure him with an all beef hotdog to take his pill. He absolutely refused to eat it, and this is a dog that will usually jump all over an ice cube, let alone a piece of hot dog. He went to his hiding spot under the table (although a dog that big can never really 'hide') and I had to put his water bowl under his face to get him to drink from it.

I had one hell of a time with those pills. I finally had to open his mouth and force him to take them. He dies without them, so it wasn't an option. Although, I'm beginning to think we really need to let him do that. When he's not eating, can barely walk...... I think it's time we let him go. But we can't bring ourselves to take him in and have him put to sleep.

That's the messed up part. He'll go a few days like this where I just think he's in too much pain and it is better for him if we put him to sleep, and then he'll get this crazy burst of energy. He'll be back to his happy self for a week or more and then we'll have a few more days like this. So I can't make myself take him in, knowing that he might have a few more happy days if we keep him here.

But God, this is killing both of us. I get down on the floor with him and just hold him and cry. He's my baby, and I hate that he is going through this. He's only 4 years old! Why him? We got him from the pound, three years ago, he was already full grown and we were really looking for a puppy. We saw him in that cage, so sad looking, but so big and strong.........and we were drawn to him. We left, thinking we'd come back another day, but on the way home we started talking about him, and I started bawling and we turned around and went back.

He was neutered already so we only had to pay $10 to bring him home. $10!! It was a running joke with us that that was the best $10 we'd ever spent because he is the BEST DOG either of us has ever owned. Never once, even on days we'd be stuck at work for hours after normal, never once did he go to the bathroom in the house. There were times where I'd have expected him to. It has happened one time since he's been sick, but that's because of the pills. Other than that, never.

He loves having visitors. Loves my brother, my sister and my mom and can't get enough of Tom's nephew and Dad. And the relationship he has with our cat is absolutely amazing. They are so close. It's going to break my heart when he goes. I know it won't be long, the lymphoma is really starting to take over, but I just wish there could be a different outcome.

So I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. That was my ultimate goal in life. To take care of my family and raise my children without putting them in day care or leaving them with a nanny. Tom doesn't think this is possible in this day and age. I disagree, but after long LONG heartfelt talks about our future, we decided that I would go back to school and become a teacher so we would have two incomes.

I do want to be a teacher. I knew if I never got married, or if something happened and I couldn't have children -which may be the case- that I would be a teacher. But there's still this big part of me that doesn't want to work while my kids aren't in school. I want our children to be raised by us. Now, both of our parents are more than willing to babysit while we're at work. So they'd have people we trust watching them. But I just want to have them with me.

I don't know. I'm not in the situation right now because I don't have any children and I'm not pregnant, but it just weighs heavily on my mind at times. So anyone who's a stay at home mom, what are your secrets? How do you make it work as a family, income wise? Tom's worried that we'd never be able to go on family vacations or have a nice home........ I'd rather struggle if it means I can raise my kids myself, but he does not want to struggle at all. So what do I do........I could use some advice ladies......

So I had a super busy day today. Woke up, headed over to Tom's parents house because his mom had a baby shower on her side of the family. After being there for four hours, we had a graduation party to attend on his Dad's side of the family. I didn't mind, it just made for a long day :) It was the first time I'd ever met his mom's side and I just love his dad's side, but I have anxiety issues so it's kinda stressful. But I made it.

The night before we went to the fireworks. We go every year, it's our thing, but for some reason, John didn't answer his phone once we got there. I'd left mine in the car and didn't know Dawn's by heart so we were kinda screwed. Normally we arrive together so we don't have that problem. Oddly enough, there were a ton of other people there that we know but didn't see. My brother and his girlfriend - who ran into his ex, ouch- my cousin brian and his fiance- and one of my bridesmaids who we did end up running into on the way out. All in all it was fun, I just wish we'd have found them. Then John leaves Chris a nasty voicemail and Tom got kinda pissed and called him out on it but it blew over........

Anyway, I don't really have much to say today.... but here's the 2peas challenge-

challenge: do you watch movies or listen to music while scraping? what are some of your favorites? I try to listen to music, but normally if Tom is still awake then he's watching something like 'Cold Case Files' so I listen to that. I feel entirely more creative when listening to my tunes though so I may have to bring in my mp3 player and rock out. I love a lot of different music but lately it's been the Postal Service, Staind, Angels and Airwaves and Anna Nalick. Kenny Chesney too of course. Always. I'd marry that dude for his voice, let alone the fact that he's FREAKING GORGEOUS!

My left foot swelled up like crazy yesterday. Isn't that insane? Of course, I googled swollen feet and saw 3 common causes. Pregnancy, congestive heart failure (yikes!) and obesity. Gee, wonder which one it is. Well, God, let's hope it's not congestive heart failure, huh? Shit. But I think it's cause I'm so fat and had my big butt parked in a chair where my legs were dangling for a while. I wish I could say it's cause I'm pregnant.

I can not wait for that day. I want children like nothing I've ever wanted before. I think knowing I might not be able to have them makes me long even more. Tom has been so amazing about that. We're going to start trying as soon as we're married, but if all else fails, we're going to adopt. I think it takes a very big person to adopt a child, and I am so so happy I'm with someone who's willing to do that.

I seriously want five or six kids. Tom wanted 2 lol. I've convinced him though to have 4. Especially if we're both teaching and I'm doing photography on the side (I hope I get that good). I can not wait. I want tons of babies and kiddies running around the house making crazy noise and chaos. I want to hear 'mom, mom, mom, MOM' from a bunch of little ones who I want my attention. I want to see Tom as a father. He is going to be amazing. AMAZING.

2 Peas Challenge- I'm loving this topic.....
challenge: Do you have any pet peeves? what really gets under your skin?
Oh, I have many pet peeves lol. Well, okay not many. In fact, it takes a lot to get me irritated, but once I'm there- watch out. Pet peeves.
- when people are not considerate enough to pull over for an ambulance. Get a grip, there's nothing going on in your life that is THAT important, that you can't pull over for someone who may be dying.
- people in the grocery store who park their carts in the middle of the aisle, blocking the whole thing, and have the nerve to get frustrated when you say 'excuse me'
- most of the kids in our neighborhood are good, but there are a bunch of little helians that will just like stand in the middle of the road, or skate in the middle of the road and won't move for you to drive by. Hello! I'm in a truck that weighs a ton and you probably weigh 80 pounds soaking wet, so move your ass. Some kids don't realize you're there, and that's fine, but when it's blatant disregard, like the little devil that stuck his foot out to make me think I was going to run it over- I want to get out of my truck and slap someone. Not that I'm that violent.

That's pretty much all I've got right now. We're headed up to the school now to fix Tom's student loan stuff. Hopefully that won't take all day :)

I must begin today by saying that everyone needs to go see Click. I saw it last night with Chris and Tom and I have to say it's one of the best movies I have ever seen. Definitely nabbed a spot in my top 5, for sure. Certain movies kind of change your life, and this is one of those. Funny as hell too. I know that Superman is out and that Pirates 2 is coming out, but do make an extra trip to the theatre to see Click.

In other news. I read this morning that North Korea launched 10 missiles yesterday. Nice. Why we're over fighting in Iraq (where no weapons of mass destruction have been found) when N. Korea is blatantly taunting the world, I have no idea. I also learned a new word while reading this article......... impenitent. Lovin it. Will have to use it myself here and make everyone think I'm so super smart. I'm sure my brother, especially, would get a kick out of it.

So I'm going to do the 2 Peas challenge and then take my butt to the dress store (finally).........

challenge: are you a thrill seeker? what 'daring' things would you love to do? I wouldn't say I'm a thrill seeker necessarily, I do like fun stuff but I hold back alot because of my weight. Like, as much as I'd love to go to Cedar Point this summer, I absolutely refuse. Why, you ask? Because one of my greatest fears is getting on a ride, only to have them not be able to close the thing and make me get off. It's happened. Well, not to me. But to a friends hubby who shall remain nameless so as not to embarass him. But it was horrible. However, I do want to skydive on the honeymoon. Will I get Tom to partake in that little adventure? Um, probably not. He's one of the most non-thrill seekers I've ever met lol. But I'll still do it. I think it'd be sweet. Of course, I have to lose weight before then first. Otherwise they wouldn't have a big enough suit thing. heh.